Aliens, And How They Became Illegal

It is a sad time indeed. A sad, as in humourless and depressing, age where the prejudices of bigotry run rampant across the whole of North America. Innocence has been lost, replaced with maligned hatred. How is it that Christian people are to cast so many stones when they themselves have so sinned in this practice. Yes, my friends, I speak of the universal despising of aliens entering into our countries, into our homes. Now dubbed Illegal Aliens, they are no longer welcomed among us. We cast them off without even realizing the vital roles they play within our culture, the influence they have over our media, the remenial jobs in which they take off of our hands. No, we, the supposed democrats of the world, have forsaken these individuals and, I am sad to say, we will suffer much more than them. I do not believe I have sufficient power to sway popular opinion, but I would like to start a stand for aliens. Until my plans do come into fruition, though, here is a look back at some particularly memorable aliens in which our new mindset have deemed unworthy and inappropriate to allow residence in our land.

E.T. - The Extra-Terrestrial. A staple within our culture for longer than I have been alive. This adorable creature has taught us all a lesson in kindness and that a bond with a 10 year old boy is far greater then even the forces of the United States Government. This creature has inspired many, from Michael Jackson to even staunchy, no-nonsense, Catholic priests. I am sorry E.T. but with all this animosity towards aliens today, I am afraid you are no longer welcome, and for shame America, because now he and Elliot can never again unite in any possible ill-received sequels. For shame.

Jim Carey, Jeff Goldblum, and Damon Wayans. Without our acceptance of aliens, what would become of these three? Having come to earth in pursuit of easy earth girls, these three have entered into our lives as three fairly accomplished actors. By now claiming aliens to be illegal, the stars of such delightfully classic movies like Ace Ventura, Mo' Money, and The Fly are now battered, loathed, and forced to return to their home planet, taking their thespian stylings with them.

Alien. Of Alien/s/3/Resurrection fame, without our acceptance of aliens, these creatures would never have been able to unleash their glorious fury upon space transport ships, space marines, space prisoners, and space smugglers. Without them, the long line of Aliens and Predator comics and games never would have been possible. Speaking of Predators...

Predator. Come on, do I need to explain? He has heat seeking vision, a shoulder laser cannon and kicked both Ahnuld and Glover's asses.

Jack Thompson. Without allowing aliens in, we never would have been given the warrior that is Jack Thompson. Fighting for what he believes you should believe in, his crusade against video games, or rather, Terrorist Simulators, is nothing short of astonishing. His rants on the ill effects of the video game industry on the delicate psyches of children are rich in speculation, and tangibly ill-informed. In other words, a perfect Christian Spokesman. People forget he hailed from Planet Jackassitom. A true man with balls.

With that, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE. I mean EVERYONE.