Emperor Penguins, Threat to Democracy?

With the Canadian government in shambles after a few million were squandered in some sponsorship scandal and the President's approval rating in the gutters (C'mon people, grow some balls), the world's free nations are more susceptible than ever to massive monarchal takeover. But what ascribed leadership society could possibly be capable of ransacking our values and raping our ideals? None. Or so I believed until a film opened my eyes. A film of such majestical beauty that it captured the weak hearts of Northern America (sorry, Mexico, you don't count). That film is March of the Penguins. Detailing the single file march of Emperor penguins towards their yearly breeding ground, the documentary by Luc Jacquet is stunning in its cinematography and heart touching enough to thaw even the iciest of penguin haters' Godless souls. But then it occured to me.

This film made over $100 million in box office revenues and besides gorgeous production values, entrancing story, well thought out presentation, humour, heart, drama, and oh so cute baby penguins, it has absolutely nothing to justify that kind of total estimate gross. So what's the deal? It was all so easy and clear, I was astonished that a man of intrigue such as I was suckered into complacency. This film is propoganda. Made solely to incite a revolution to topple the democratic principles that has made our civilization reach the peaks that no other living organism has ever fathomed. The clues were all there, and yet the film still managed to spread its brainwashing drivel to millions of God abiding citizens of the Great Continent (ex. Mex). Instead of wanting the democratic process, the film calls for the reinstituion of Emperor/Moncarchal structures that have oppressed the people for far too long. And here's proof:




That's right. Luc Jacquet, the revolutionary documentarian is actually King Charles VII of France, come back from the grave! Charlie crafted this film to pamper the world for his inevitable return to being absolute monarch of France. From their he will spread his reign of tyranny across the globe, engulfing the entire world into freedom hating chaos. China will crumble as they will begin eating their children (Well, the female children), Canada will no longer play hockey, The United States will vote for the Communist party, England will forsake tea for crack cocaine and Russia will, well, they'll still suck. The sky will forever be overcast with the blood from the molding corpse of free speech as people will be forced into serfdom for numerous noble manors that will surely emerge during the anarchy, run with Mad Max-ish styles of retribution.

So, people of the free world, cast this vile film and its protoganists out before the damage can be done. It is absolute dreck what the French would stoop to doing for their re-emergence into the world community as something other than crap in their pants, forfeiting, cheese eating, wine drinking, "Ah am so frrrrenchly snooty," frenchmen. Well, penguins and frenchmen, peddle your wares elsehwere, you're no longer welcome.







Here's one last look at the winter demons that could have taken away YOUR freedom...