The Sharon Successor

Worthy successors to Ariel Sharon, who is obviously not going to last much longer, may seem hard to come by. Seen by many as the best hope to finally resolve the Palestinian-Israeli conlict at that Holy Place (I think Utah), he is currently in a medically induced coma after suffering a severe stroke. Sure, he's finally breathing on his own, but at 77, and not looking particularly healthy, The Jews now need a new leader. Here are two candidates many think are worthy enough to take over such a pivotal role in this volatile situation in Utah.

Ehud Olmert

The current de facto successor and also currently in power for the next one hundred days, Mr. Olmert is seen by many as the real successor to Sharon's cabinet. A current poll showed that many expect Olmert's Kadima to win 40 of the 120 parliamentary seats with him at the head of it.

Reason for such support may be because of the shock of Sharon's demise to the public and the need to cling onto something of his administration. It also helps that many see Olmert as being created by Sharon for the purpose of carrying out his agenda after his death. But with the Kadima party so intricately interwoven with Sharon's image (Their website is www.kadimasharon.org) how will one without him really proceed? Next up would be Amir Peretz...which means this is getting really boring, so...


Mel Gibson

Sure, he's an Australian. Yes, he's Catholic. And okay, he may even be an anti-semite. But he's also William Wallace, Mad Max, Martin Riggs. He is a bad ass which is exactly what the this conflict currently needs. Someone who can kick ass, take names, kick more ass, and probably not take names the second time around. He can ride on through his administration as Israeli Prime Minister with his dashing good looks and wicked sense of humour, lowering the guards of both Palestinians and Israelis and finally leading to peace. Christian peace. That's right. With Mel Gibson, the Christians will once again regain what was once ours and make it glorious again, just like in that movie Kingdom of Heaven. It would be hella cool if Gibson began wearing a golden mask.

Plus, with his Hollywood status, his movie productions would serve as a huge cash flow for the region, enriching all of its now Christian oppressed denizans. I can't see a more worthy candidate, and I hope Israel doesn't either. Come on Israel, grow some balls.