Super Kawaii This...

I don't usually call out people in my posts, which makes this post especially special because I'm calling out an entire subculture - Harajuku. Yes, I know it's technically just a district, but over the recent years it has apparantly become the "mecca" for Japanese fashion. Acclaimed for the new age, wildly designed outfits of its artistically impaired inhabitants, Harajuku has now begun to infect North American society through Gwen Stefani's viral social reformation campaign, and if these fashion freaks can get to even the wholesome Mrs. Stefani (I assume that because she is white, blond and extremely attractive. I'm sure her music is infused with God loving lyrics) then what more hope do we have? First they invade us with "mechs" and saucer eyed angsty teens, now they try to change our very way of dressing with their own fashions. And when I say "fashions," I mean this :

This, dear sensible readers, is not fashion. This is a taint upon the face of God's green (and now slightly brown) earth. Last time I checked, the only person that looks like this is satan. Look at those people mosing about in the background, almost completely unawares of the atrocity before them. Japan may now be an officially lost cause, doomed to the faggy gothic dresses and makeup, trying to rebel against that fine instituion I call conformity. Shame.

No, I am too much of an optimist to let this happen. Yohji Yamamoto shall not prevail. Japan has offered me, and you, far too much to just let them die a slow, unfashionable death. I am sure that if enough people band together to mount a large enough offensive, we can subjugate the Japanese and force them to turn back into the more traditional, and acceptable, outfits of yesteryear. All the while, with Japan's vast population, I am sure we can give each family within North America their very own Japanese person, able to do everything from calculus to programming vast computer programs. And if a family member ever gets sick, they can even nurse you back to health. I hear they have magical healing properties, imbued into colourfully decorated wands and staffs from some sun demon.

So, people, I'm sure that with our combined efforts we can turn this :

Into this :

(It was unbelievable the amount of porn I had to wade through to get this one picture)